My thoughts

I have felt so out of control lately, and I feel like I just need to sit down and write down my feelings and document a little bit of life! All is well, and life is good...just so busy. I don't do well with chaos or lack of organization and order. So, because of my busy schedule these days, all I feel is chaos. I feel like my life has changed a lot over the last few months with taking my job and being thrown into a new calling at church. Not only that, Anton is so busy and stressed with work and all his traveling and the girls schedules are picking up. I sometimes need to remind myself how blessed I am, and how sweet my life is, even though it may be a little busy. I have healthy children who are happy and sweet. I have a husband who works so hard for us. He treats us amazing & I never ever doubt that he adores us. I live in a beautiful home and have cars that function.

Since taking my job, my little "bubble" that I've lived in for so long has been burst. There are legitimately sad and hard things in so may peoples lives...and they live in my little community! My eyes have been opened to how others live, and I can't help but look at my life and realize how lucky I am. I feel so blessed. I love my job, and I am grateful that I have it. It gives me a little life outside of cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping! But, with that being said, if I don't have everything else in order....I can feel really down about my job. My cleaning gets pushed off, my laundry gets piled up, and then I start to feel overwhelmed. So, it is a fine balance. And, I think I need to keep everything in perspective. It isn't permanent, and I need to remember that if I stayed home every single day I would probably go crazy!

So, things are a little busy. Then I get called as Primary President. Holy smokes. I was silly in thinking it wouldn't be much different than when I was in the primary presidency. I was wrong. I came back from a Stake Meeting the other night, and finally just cried. I cried all the way home, and cried when I got home. Poor Anton thought he had done something. He was relieved when I told him I was just feeling overwhelmed with everything we have going on. I wanted and thought my calling would be to show up on Sunday and love those children. That's easy! All the other stuff, and the meetings, and the planning and the getting everything organized for the new year, and not having any sort of training or support from the previous president kind of threw me over the edge. But, thankfully I have the worlds best counselors. I really do. I would be SO overwhelmed and lost without them and their constant willingness to help me. And, sweet Anton has been so encouraging and patient as well.

I complain sometimes about how busy things are. But, when I really get thinking about all that we have, I feel grateful. I truly feel like we have been blessed in so many ways. Unfortunately, we have had a significant family relationship go sour. We have been sad and angry over it. We have mostly been sad for our girls. But, I know my prayers have been answered in a way. So many people have stepped in and have filled that void for our girls. They shower them with love, bring little treats and trinkets over and want to see them in costumes or at their games. We never asked for that! I can't begin to express how grateful I am for these people - and it isn't just one person, its several. Tender mercy indeed.

Life isn't perfect. We don't have the perfect life. I struggle with not being the perfect Mom and wife and not having the perfectly clean house. But, I am slowly learning that in the end, all will be OK. This time of chaos and stress will go. I just need to be patient and constantly remind myself that even though I may get down or stressed, we are so lucky. We have so much. We have each other. We have wonderful friends, and incredible family. And for that, I am truly very very humbled and grateful!