Gratitude

 I got in bed with my laptop and opened it up to do some work. I decided it was too quiet, so I turned on my iTunes. Before I knew it, Disney songs started playing...and I left it on for a few songs because it just made me smile. I sat for a few minutes thinking about my darling daughters, and literally I had a smile on my face. The joy they bring into my life is so beautiful. The feeling is so hard to explain...I say to them and to Anton often..."I love you so much, I could burst!". That is truly the only way I can describe my love for them. The fear of losing them is also there. Only a parent could understand that fear of "what if". Claire gave us a health scare a few weeks ago, and I was heartsick while we had to wait for results on her blood work. I kept thinking to myself, "I will die if something is wrong with her". During this time, a friend from college lost her beautiful little darling to the flu. Horrific. Devastating. Unfair. Heartbreaking. I haven't been able to get them off my mind since it happened. Since then, I have been squeezing my girls a little tighter and trying to soak in those "everyday moments". A while ago, I decided I wanted to start taking more pictures of my life with them, things like their toys and they funny way they set them up and just more of our everyday moments. I am so glad I do that, because I know when I am old and grey it will be so fun to look back and remember these sweet times. I thank my Heavenly Father each day for my beautiful little miracles. I am grateful and thankful that I get to hold them, squeeze them, kiss them, read with them, watch them play, bathe them, laugh with them...and my heart is so heavy for those sweet parents who have to endure the painful trial of losing a child or having a child with major health problems. Why some people have those trials is a question I often ask myself. It has been on my mind lately for me to write down my feelings and my thoughts on being a mom....but truly, I can't put into words the immense love and joy I feel for my little family. The only word that comes to mind is Gratitude. I have so much of it. Life is so precious, and so beautiful. I am blessed. Blessed beyond measure. And the most beautiful part of all of this, is our little family is eternal. They are forever mine. Lilly often says about Claire, "I am so glad she is in our family". I think that about all three of them every single day.