It is hard to believe that my time with just Lilly is soon coming to an end. With doctors thinking this baby won't go full term, I am feeling anxiety about the change that is about to take place. Yesterday, while Lilly was down for a nap, I laid down on the couch to rest and got thinking about my time with Lilly. I started to cry thinking about how utterly perfect my precious time with her has been. I cried even harder thinking about how this new baby is going to rock Lilly's perfect little world. I told Anton later that night how sad I was to think of Lilly going through a hard time, and how hard it will be for me to watch her be sad because she will soon have to share her "MaMa". As he always reminds me, she will love having a sibling. I know that. It's just the first little while I worry about. I worry about how Lilly will do, I worry about the stress a newborn will put on my marriage, I also worry about my life changing with a second child. Yet, as much as I worry, I know in my heart of hearts it will be OK. How could it not be? Today, as I laid on the couch resting - again - the baby was wiggling and kicking all around, and I couldn't help get excited about this new little person coming into our home. The spirit a newborn brings into a home is indescribable. Also, this time around, I feel more excitement than what I did with Lilly. Before Lilly was born I was SO nervous about the huge change that was going to take place. I didn't know what to expect and I had so many questions and wondered about so many things. I wondered what it was going to be like to be a mom, what it was like to get up at night with them, what it was going to do to my marriage and free time...all those normal first time parent questions. This time, I feel as though I have a better sense of what to expect, and therefore I have more "room" for excitement. Of course, I have no idea what to expect about being a mother of two, but I can tell you this...I KNOW I will love this child regardless of how hectic life may get with two. And, I feel like that is all that matters. This child is going to be so deeply loved...by me and Anton, by Lilly (eventually!), aunts and uncles, grandparents, great grandparents and cousins. So many people are anxious for its arrival. I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to stay home with Lilly. I was able to see every "first" big milestone, to comfort her when she was sick, to giggle with her, to spoil her, to give her every confidence in the world...I wouldn't change that for anything in the entire world. She is my little partner, my "right arm", my love bug, and my proudest creation yet.
11 comments:
You are so cute. All the fears a mother should have. At one point I asked Ryan if it would be weird to give this unknown child away, because I didn't want to share my love with anyone other than Isaac. He was my world. That obviously quickly changed and I couldn't imagine my life without these two beautiful boys. I was completely overwhelmed with two at first, but you quickly adjust. Just take advantage of the help :). You are a great mother! I am so excited to find out what this little one is!
okay, this post was darling. & that picture is so adorable. you are so beautiful.
good luck on this new adventure! you're going to do great!!
Okay, I still can't get over that picture of you and Lilly. It says so much. And you look like a goddess.
This post was sweet. I am sure Lilly will be just as enamored with her new little sibling as you and Anton will be. As you know, siblings are the greatest.
I think every mother relates to those feelings, I know I did! When I had Wes, I had post pardum depression and it was really hard. I had all those questions, and I thought "when he is born, I will have those same 'in love' feelings I felt with Stella" and then, I didn't. I felt nothing when he was born. I looked at him and thought "he might as well not be mine". It sounds so horrible to say that out loud. Anyway, I worried about my marriage, my daughter, my life, and at first it was really hard. Wes was a hard baby. He cried all the time, I couldn't put him down. I didn't get a moment of "me" time, Cory would come home and I handed off the crying baby to him and just wanted to crawl into a ball. We had a rough go for a few months there.
My point is, that you have an incredible husband, and Lilly is an incredible daughter. Your baby will be born into a wonderful family. Things will be hectic at first, because they always will be with a new baby but honestly, there is nothing better than watching your two children play together. It is one of the most wonderful things a mother and father can experience. Right now, Stella is 5 and Wes is 2 and watching them together is pure joy. Yeah, they may not always get along, but Stella adores her little brother. And it has always been that way. Sometimes she would get frustrated with the time we had to spend with him, but she never took it out on him. She adored him and never blamed him for the attention he demanded, and still demands.
My point is, that it will be so very very very hard for the first few months. It always is, but watching the two little beings you have created, connect and learn to love each other, is the most amazing thing in the world. Watching my children together is the most wonderful thing I have experienced, yet, as a mother.
Another thing that is interesting, with your first child you think your cup is full, and you will have to share your cup with the next child because you can't imagine loving another child as much. Then one day you realize that you didn't have to share your cup, you get a whole new cup for each child.
You are incredible Liz, this baby is so lucky to have you as a mom!
Liz - this was a darling post. You articulate your feelings so well. I totally remember crying over how Ellie would adapt to sharing my attention...it's so hard to imagine your child being confused or feeling left out. Your feelings are valid. Lilly's life will change...but not as much as you are afraid it will. She will LOVE helping you with the baby. And for the first while, the baby sleeps SO much during the day, that you'll be surprised at how much one on one time you'll still get with Lilly...just make sure you spend that time with her - forget about the laundry and housework - it will make a huge difference in how Lilly reacts to the changes. Your babies (lilly & jr.) are so lucky to have you as their mommy! Love you! I'm SO excited for your little bugg, and can't wait to help!! My offer still stands...I'll be happy to stay the night and get up with the baby :).
Lizzy you are a beautiful mama! Everything will fall right into place. Your two little darlings will adore each other and their parents always.
That picture is beautiful.
What a cute picture! I cannot fathom having to share my love with someone other than Kristin. I totally understand the hard time you are having with it. Good luck on your new adventure. I hope the little one and you have a great delivery!
You are only going to become greater with this one! We all as 2nd time mom's have all the same feelings as you. You are going to have so much fun watching Lilly with her new sibling.It all becomes your new normal, just another chapter beginning! I can't wait to meet Baby Brog... another great addition to our little crew. :)
I love this picture! I remember the first time I saw it and about died... you both are so stunning!
I went through this same thing with Wesley. I didn't want to have any more kids cause I didn't want to change my seemingly perfect relationship with him. But you do go on and things do get more hectic, and you may long for that time with just Lily, but she will benefit so much from having a sibling and it will melt your heart to see them play together in the future. You're such a sweet little mommy. Those babies are lucky to have you!
oh..and p.s...I think youre having a boy. Good luck!
Liz, I know I'm kind of "blog stalking" here but I couldn't resist commenting. I remember worrying that I couldn't possibly love my second child as much as my 1st and I really worried about that. Was it ever amazing to me to discover that my love just expanded. My first child didn't lose any of my love, my capacity to love just became greater! Good luck. Thinking of you as the time gets closer.
What a beautiful post. I can't speak from experience, but I know you and you are going to be an amazing mother of two. Love you lots and I'm always just a few steps away!!!
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